So I saw my psychiatrist last week to go over how my current cocktail of drugs has been working…. I hate these conversations, I hate the drugs, I hate the lack of control, and above all else I hate the side effects.
A few months ago we listed out what I had and hadn’t tried over the years. It was quite surprising when you see it written down how much I have taken (see the “Medication-is it for me?” page on here for a little insight.
So my current mix is Trazadone for sleep and Trintillex in the morning for mood control. Nothing for bi-polar. My hyper spending state has been up, when I was in the UK my moods were all over the place, I snap at the slightest thing and at one point had an anxiety attack. To add to this the Trazadone has been giving me horrific vivid nightmares. I am not someone who dreams of fantasy or even have happy dreams. I only ever have nightmares and only about real life people and situations- it can be hard to distinguish if something was a nightmare or real at times. The nightmares also result in feeling anything but rested the next day which makes it even harder to get out of bed and live life than it already is with manic-depression.
So last week we discussed it and she has added into the mix a drug called Divalproex. So far not really feeling much at all on it- though it seems to help when taken with Trazodone to sleep. In a few weeks she is adding in a new anti-depressant into the mix. Will let you know how that goes.
I went to the Humane Society Cat event in town at the weekend and got told off afterwards for going alone- last time I did this I came home with a third cat and my husband wasn’t so pleased. At least I was restrained enough this time- whether due to med’s or not- to avoid the cute little grey bundle of joy I fell in love with there.
It really is such a fine balance with any medication for mental illness. A balancing act between the side effects (sickness, weight gain, nightmares, headaches etc) and the actual positive effects (on the current mix I have yet to see any).