Did it instantly get better?

The Long and short of it is- no.

The thing people seem to misconceive is that you get given a pill and take it and all of a sudden everything is okay again. Maybe it is the case for some- I would love to hear your experiences.

In 2010 when I first got put on antidepressants and sent for help I was merose, unable to do anything, lost 2 stone in weight, couldn’t focus and my brain shut down.

Since then it has been a yo-yo experience- I still get my highs and lows depending on how my medication is reacting and if I have grown a tolerance to it. I would love to be an optimist and say that there will come a time when there won’t be a fluctuation anymore, but who knows?!

My drinking, extrovert behaviour, and men got worse in about 2011 and I went off the rails again. I think at that point I had stopped caring again and thought I could prove the doctors wrong. I went cold turkey off my medication as well to try and prove to myself and everyone around me that I was okay and that I didn’t need a cocktail of pills to keep me level.

When I first emigrated I was on a roller coaster. I had extreme highs and then plummeted again. My last black out drinking incident was in 2012 within a week of emigrating- and that night really scared me, it was the shock I needed i think. I realised in the autumn of 2012 that I needed help again.

After my bipolar diagnosis in 2012 I opted to give up alcohol- I didn’t drink for 2 years (impressive considering how much I drank before). In 2014 I slowly started to reintroduce booze but I have found that I cannot stomach more than 2 or 3 anymore (not really a bad thing). I still have extreme ups and downs and am still in search of the correct cocktail of medication with my doctors, but my husband comments on my low points that he can see a vast improvement from where I was then to now, even if I can’t always see it myself.

So in a nutshell it hasn’t instantly got better but I know I am in a better place than I was before.